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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25282825">Young Warrior</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishipstarship/pseuds/ishipstarship'>ishipstarship</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drama &amp; Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Holodecks/Holosuites, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:34:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25282825</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishipstarship/pseuds/ishipstarship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Somebody's done something naughty on the holodeck. Chakotay has got some serious explaining to do if he's going to get out of this one without losing his rank and the respect of his captain! Set after Tuvok's 'Worst Case Scenario' toward the end of Season 3.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'Captain? Is now a good time to talk?'</p><p>Janeway glanced up from her ready room desk, surprised to see B'Elanna hovering in the doorway. 'As good a time as any,' the captain pressed her lips together in a grim smile, reaching a hand up to massage the stiffness from her neck.</p><p>She'd been working from her desk computer and two PADDs simultaneously – catching up on the last week's reports, tweaking the duty rosters and drowning in a five-page list of entertainment suggestions recommended by her well-meaning (but thoroughly deluded) morale officer. Needless to say, she was ready for a break.</p><p>'Come and take a seat, lieutenant. What can I do for you?'</p><p>Lieutenant Torres elected to stand, her eyes darting back to the doorway like she was planning her escape. </p><p>Janeway frowned, pushing herself up out of her chair and moving across to her chief engineer. 'What is it, B'Elanna? Not another problem with the warp drive, I hope?'</p><p>The Klingon officer shook her head. 'Actually, it's more of a personal matter…,' she trailed off.</p><p>'Go on,' Captain Janeway insisted gently. 'Whatever you want to share stays between us, and if you're in some kind of trouble I promise to do everything in my power to help you.'</p><p>The muscles around B'Elanna's mouth twitched with embarrassment, or perhaps remorse. 'I'm afraid this is a personal matter for you, not me, captain.'</p><p>'Spill it, then,' Captain Janeway prompted. She loathed social awkwardness and wanted to have this over and done with quickly.</p><p>Torres nodded, glum-faced, and handed over the PADD she had tucked under her arm. 'After the recent malfunction with Tuvok's Worst Case Scenario holodeck program, you ordered me to run a deeper diagnostic scan on all the archived holodeck files to check for anomalies,' B'Elanna explained. 'Well… I noticed some suspicious activity in the logs this morning.'</p><p>'Go on,' Janeway looked grim.</p><p>'Somebody accessed the back-up archives in the last twenty-four hours, using some kind of encrypted password,' Torres continued. 'They tried to delete a program, along with all its associated usage data, but the computer diagnostic was still running so it locked them out. It's that one,' she jabbed at the PADD, pointing out the title of the program.</p><p>'Young Warrior?' the captain frowned, the name not ringing a bell. 'What is it? A combat training simulation?'</p><p>'That's what I thought at first, too,' B'Elanna folded her arms - protectively, not assertively. 'I, um, invited Tom Paris to test it out with me – to ascertain if it contained a security threat – but… well… the program wasn't intended for general use. Tom wanted to delete it straight away, but I thought you should probably see it first.'</p><p>Janeway looked from the PADD to Torres, uneasiness stirring in her gut. 'Alright,' she nodded curtly. 'If you think it's important, I'll take a look. Is anything required for the program. Weapons? Costume?'</p><p>'I hope you won't have to use it, but just in case…,' B'Elanna walked across to a storage hatch near the ready room door and retrieved a phaser, pressing it into her captain's hand. 'Just… be careful?' her eyes projected friendship and concern, then she turned on her heel and left.</p><p>Puzzled, Captain Janeway watched B'Elanna go then wandered back to her desk, picking up a PADD and tapping it distractedly against her palm. Young Warrior? There was no way she was going to be able to focus on Tuvok's reports and Neelix's morale list until she found out what this was all about.</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>'Computer, initiate holodeck program Young Warrior. Resume from last playback.'<br/>Janeway turned slowly – alert and apprehensive – as the metal walls around her transformed into an idyllic forest clearing. It was late afternoon. The light through the trees was dim, and although there was no obvious cause for alarm the captain instinctively reached for the phaser at her hip.</p><p>'Stop, stranger,' a voice shrilled out from somewhere high in the tree-line.</p><p>Kathryn's eyes shot up into the foliage. Her fingers wrapped around her phaser but before she got the chance to aim or fire, a flash of movement sliced downwards and a small knife embedded itself into the earth between her feet.</p><p>'And you can throw away your weapon or I'll kill you where you stand,' the voice warned harshly. It was a woman's voice. Or a girl's.</p><p>The captain tossed her phaser to the ground and raised her hands slowly. 'Whoever you are, I mean you no harm,' she called out into the half-light, soothing but firm. 'My name is Kathryn. Why don't you come down here so we can talk. I'm sure we can work things out peacefully.'</p><p>The only answer was a soft thud, and a few moments later a shadow emerged from the trees. It was a young woman – just a teenager – dressed in the colours of the forest, with a leather knife-belt strapped diagonally across her chest. The young warrior advanced towards her target, a blade balanced loosely in her hand.</p><p>'Your name is Kathryn?' she demanded, circling the older woman and peering at her through a curtain of black hair that obscured her features. 'Kathryn who?'</p><p>'Janeway…,' the captain kept her hands raised. She would fight the girl in hand to hand combat if she had to, but there was still a chance that diplomacy could work. '…Kathryn Janeway. Captain of the starship Voyag–'</p><p>The wild girl stopped circling and drew closer, her hair falling back away from her face for the first time. 'Mom?...'</p><p>Kathryn's eyes flew wide and a sort of strangled noise fell from her lips. It was like she was looking at a photograph of herself at sixteen. Except for the black hair. And the feather tattoo above the girl's left eye.</p><p>'Computer, end program!' Captain Janeway gasped, and the last thing she saw before the hologram faded from view was the hungry, searching look in her deep brown eyes.<br/>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
Author's Note:</p><p>Greetings! This is the first story I've written in the Voyager fandom. As this has already been posted on ff.net, I'm planning to dump all five chapters on you in one hit (please forgive me if I have a few formatting fails while I'm still learning my way around the site).</p><p>Comments &amp; PM's are very welcome, so share the love and say hi. Of course, I'll reply :)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Somehow, the captain returned to her duties on the bridge that afternoon. She was terse. She couldn't help it. There was a problem with the gel packs, which was solved by B'Elanna (eventually). Paris was distracted at the helm after B'Elanna's visit, drawing Kim into a flurry of childish banter. Kathryn snapped at them both... then glared at Chakotay when he looked at her with that patient, inquisitive brow. Kathryn normally enjoyed her job and the company of her crew, but today she couldn't wait for her shift to be done. The second the clock ticked over she sprung from her chair.</p><p>'Commander Chakotay. You have the bridge,' she announced sourly, as she practically dived for the turbolift door.</p><p>'A moment, captain…?' Her first officer materialized behind her, and when she turned to face him he was a half-step too close.</p><p>'What is it?' she asked irritably. A headache was beginning to press at her temples, and she couldn't look at Chakotay's face without seeing that same damn tattoo on the holodeck girl.</p><p>Commander Chakotay saw the flash of danger in his captain's eyes but he didn't back off. 'You seem tired. Would you like to join me in my quarters for dinner? I've been saving my replicator rations. Name your wish and you can have it,' he spoke softly, leaning in like they shared a secret.</p><p>She hated when he did that. She often worried about the crew reading too much into the commander's familiar actions – thinking she was playing favorites… thinking she would be willing to compromise her authority for the sake of a ship romance. It was even worse when he behaved like that in private – when his easy company sometimes made feel her like throwing her captain's rulebook out the nearest airlock and just letting herself be a woman for a change. A woman who had the luxury of being both strong and vulnerable.</p><p>But she sure as hell wasn't feeling vulnerable now. She was feeling pissed. 'I'm busy tonight,' she answered curtly, already turning away from him. 'See you on the bridge tomorrow at 0800 hours.'</p><p>The turbolift doors glided shut in Chakotay's face, leaving him standing there unbalanced, wondering what on earth he had done to make his captain so upset.<br/>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>How dare he make himself a child in her image?! Of all the presumptuous, invasive, unethical things!... </p><p>Kathryn fumed around her quarters - hair pinned high, still wearing her uniform. She'd paced the track from the door to the window so many times her footsteps were probably worn permanently into the floor.</p><p>When did he even do it? Was it back when they'd first realized that Voyager might become a generational ship before reaching the Alpha Quadrant? Or was it after she made that stupid comment about going to him for advice on animal mating rituals. It was a meaningless flirtation. Just a quip parried between two intelligent people. She didn't mean him to take it literally!</p><p>And more to the point, why did he do it? Was there a holographic Captain Janeway written into the program too, designed to be the perfect mother and lover – dutiful and sentimental? Her stomach lurched with disgust at the possibility that the man she trusted most in the universe might have transformed her into his virtual sex slave, or his broodmare.</p><p>'Enough!' she muttered to herself, coming to a standstill and grabbing the problem by its throat. 'There's no need to overthink this, Kathryn. It's an old program, It would have already been deleted if B'Elanna's security scan hadn't salvaged it. All you have to do is override the computer alert, then erase the program and forget this whole thing ever happened.'</p><p>It was a lie. She knew in her heart she would never really be able to forget what Chakotay did – how he abused her privacy and trust in such an intimate way – but, for now, it was a lie she needed to believe.</p><p>She glanced at the clock. With any luck, most of the crew would be in the mess hall eating dinner by now. That should give her enough time to nip over to the holodeck, delete the offending program and still make it back to her quarters without anybody seeing her. Especially not anybody with a face tattoo.

</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>The holodeck doors closed after the captain as she entered the room, sealing it like a tomb. Kathryn looked around the cold, grey space warily. It was empty, but somehow she felt the shadow of the hologirl watching her. She started pacing again.</p><p>'Computer, access program Young Warrior...'</p><p>Computer, delete program. It was just three words. But she found she couldn't say them out loud.</p><p>'Computer, identify stardate the program was created.' She needed a clue – any clue to help her understand why Chakotay did what he did.</p><p>The synthesized voice that responded was polite, efficient and completely unhelpful. 'That information is no longer available.'</p><p>Kathryn frowned. 'Computer, identify all access dates in the past six months.'</p><p>The computer took less than a second to respond. 'That information is no longer available.'</p><p>The captain clutched at her forehead. Her headache was threatening to become a migraine – the kind even a long bath wouldn't be able to cure. She briefly considered heading down to sickbay for a hypospray and one of the doctor's deep tissue massages, but decided against it. A snippy lecture from the EMH about the importance self-care was the last thing she wanted to deal with at the moment.</p><p>No. Her best chance at getting some kind of relief was closure. She needed answers, now, and the best way to find them was standing right in front of her.</p><p>Kathryn sighed and straightened. 'Computer, initiate program and resume from last playback.'<br/>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
Author's Note:</p><p>So, Janeway's about to meet her holo-daughter. Awkward! Thanks for reading - leave a comment if you want &amp; I'll get back to you :)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Captain Janeway uffed, stumbling backwards as something nearly knocked her over.</p>
<p>'Mom! I can't believe you're actually here!' the holo-girl's arms squeezed tight around her ribs, the knife she'd been holding thankfully discarded on the ground. 'You were away so long. Did your starship get lost?' she pulled back, staring at her mother with a mixture of accusation and longing.</p>
<p>'Something like that,' Kathryn managed an answer, her brain scurrying to process the implication behind the girl's words.</p>
<p>Apparently, the hologram's mother had been travelling on a starship – obviously gone for a while. So maybe there wasn't a sexy, baby-making-holo-Janeway in this scenario after all? Kathryn thought of Chakotay and found her feelings were slightly less violent than before.</p>
<p>'How long is your shore leave this time?' the girl was asking hopefully. 'Dad said you have important responsibilities on Voyager, but surely the crew can spare you for a few days so we can be together - as a family?'</p>
<p>Kathryn wanted to run from those eyes, somehow hers and Chakotay's at the same time. 'Actually, I can't stay long,' she answered distractedly. 'I have to get back to Voyager soon, but I just wanted to check in and… and see that everything is okay here before–'</p>
<p>'I knew it!' the girl's mood soured almost instantaneously. 'It's just like Dad says about you! I don't know why I should have expected anything different!'</p>
<p>The teenager's angry outburst surprised Kathryn, but only for a moment. 'Oh, yes?' she parried. 'And what is it that your father says about me?'</p>
<p>'That you run from your emotions,' the girl stared at her unflinchingly. 'That you'd always put the needs of your crew before the needs of yourself, or even your own family.'</p>
<p>'How interesting,' Kathryn's lips were thin. 'And is that all he says?'</p>
<p>The hologirl looked away and her feathered brow gradually softened. 'No,' she conceded. 'He also says your dedication to the crew is what makes you a great captain… that it's one of the strengths I should admire in you and try to follow… that it's one of the reasons he fell i–...'</p>
<p>'Computer, freeze program!' the sudden exclamation sent a small puff of birds exploding upwards from the forest treeline.</p>
<p>But it wasn't Captain Janeway who spoke.</p>
<p>Kathryn spun around to face the holodeck entry – her eyes darting like a feral animal – to see a tall, uniformed figure advancing rapidly across the clearing towards her. Chakotay. There was no time to prepare herself for the coming altercation. He was upon her in seconds.</p>
<p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Gone was the affable first officer Kathryn thought she knew. In his place was an entirely different Chakotay. Quiet, volatile, dangerous. </p>
<p>'You shouldn't be here,' his voice was low and agitated. 'B'Elanna had no right to tell you about this program, and you had no right to invade my privacy. If Tom had come to me sooner…'</p>
<p>'Your privacy? What about my privacy?' Captain Janeway's hands flew into the air, her eyes blazing with indignation. 'You made a child for yourself using me as the mother! How could you do this to me?!'</p>
<p>She stepped forward into his personal space, showing that she wouldn't let him or anyone else take away her power. But Chakotay wasn't about to submit so easily. He leant over her, using the advantage of his height to prove he wasn't intimidated.</p>
<p>'You may be my captain and I'm just your commander, but here's a surprise, Kathryn,' he hissed. 'Not everything I think and do revolves directly around you. Did it ever occur to you that I might have personal issues I've needed to work through in my own way? That I might have needed a private space to reflect and heal?'</p>
<p>The muscles around Captain Janeway's mouth contorted as she built up for an acid reply, but Chakotay guessed what was coming and edged in first, trying to calm the situation down a level.</p>
<p>'Before you go and throw me in the brig, please just hear me out. I never intended to share this program with anyone, least of all you, and I never meant it to upset you or cause you harm. I only made Ktaria to…'</p>
<p>'Ktaria? Kat?' the woman's quiet fury was more frightening than her initial outburst of anger. 'You even named her after me?'</p>
<p>'Oh stop, Kathryn,' Chakotay suddenly grabbed her shoulders and refused to let go, even when she tried to shrug him away. 'Would you just stop assuming things for one damn minute and let me explain myself?'</p>
<p>Janeway scowled at him, her chest rising and falling quickly. It would be so easy to call security and have the commander arrested for insubordination and common assault, but she didn't want anyone else involved. If even one crew member witnessed their conflict, the whole ship would be buzzing with the scandal before breakfast tomorrow.</p>
<p>'This had better be good, or believe me, commander… a few days in the brig will be the least of your worries,' she growled – waiting, loathing.</p>
<p>Chakotay knew the captain's threat was serious, but at least now she was actually listening to him. He released her shoulders and stepped back. 'Just… give me a moment to clear my head first,' he brushed past the frozen hologram of his daughter and ranged off towards the edge of the clearing, breathing in the fresh, musky scent of the forest.</p>
<p>Chakotay had never meant for Kathryn to find out about Ktaria. He knew he would have to swallow his pride and confess the truth to her, but he'd kept this particular secret for almost a year now. Sharing it was not going to be easy. The man sent up a silent prayer to his ancestors then squared his shoulders and returned to face the captain.</p>
<p>'Before we go any further, there's something I need you to understand,' Chakotay began, keeping his gaze soft and steady to counteract the coldness of Kathryn's stare. 'When I made the Young Warrior program my head was in a dark place. It was nearly a year ago – around the time we were marooned by the Kazon and Seska.'</p>
<p>Kathryn's lip curled in distaste. What did SHE have to do with this?</p>
<p>'When I heard that Seska was carrying my child I was furious, disgusted. I didn't have any immediate plans to be a father – certainly not with her – but then…,' his eyes dipped self-consciously and returned, '…but then you and I got stranded on New Earth and I started to wonder if maybe, in time, being a father wouldn't be such a bad thing after all, so long as you were interested in starting a family too.'</p>
<p>Captain Janeway was going to make a snide remark about preferring the monkey, but hesitated when she saw the shadow of pain that crossed Chakotay's face.</p>
<p>'Well, as it turned out, Seska's baby wasn't even mine,' he laughed hollowly, 'and that seed of hope I found on New Earth - the possibility of stability and a family with you – that was taken away from me the moment we returned to our old lives on Voyager.'</p>
<p>'But we discussed this,' Kathryn frowned, unwilling to take on guilt for choosing her career and the welfare of her crew over a personal relationship with her first officer. 'You knew why I couldn't…'</p>
<p>Chakotay clenched his jaw and sighed. 'Of course I knew why. And I respected that… But I couldn't just turn off my feelings at the flick of a switch, and I definitely couldn't share my problems with anyone else on the crew. I felt lost. Angry. I needed some way to cope – to find closure, so…,' he waved carelessly at the holographic images around them. Ktaria. The clearing. The forest.</p>
<p>Kathryn followed the gesture with her eyes, and she breathed in sharply when she finally realized where they were.<br/>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
Author's Note:</p>
<p>I bet you can all guess the setting of Chakotay's holoprogram. Thanks for reading - leave a comment if you want &amp; I'll get back to you :)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>New Earth.</p><p>Kathryn's stomach twisted. She and Chakotay had grown close here. Closer than she'd ever intended to get with a member of her crew. Nothing had happened, of course – just a few sweet embraces and the idea of maybe something more as they faced a future alone together – but perhaps…</p><p>Her gaze fell on the hologram of Ktaria, still frozen in front of them, and in that moment she saw what Chakotay had seen. A possible future. A future she had denied. Emotions she had buried long ago suddenly rushed to the surface, forcing the captain to keep her eyes fixed straight ahead and her lips tightly pursed to avoid giving anything away.</p><p>Seconds later, a warm feeling spread across Kathryn's back. She didn't have to look to know that Chakotay was standing beside her.</p><p>'I originally programmed her as a baby,' he confided softly, his arms hanging limply by his sides. 'I just needed to know what it would have felt like to hold a child in my arms. My child.</p><p>Our child. Kathryn had the impulse to snark at him, but she bit her tongue – determined to hear him out.</p><p>'She was beautiful,' the pride was clear in Chakotay's voice as he reached out briefly to stroke his daughter's hair. 'Fragile. Alert. Perfect. She might have just been a hologram, but we bonded more fiercely than I could have imagined. I knew I had to delete the program that same day or I was never going to find the will to leave her.'</p><p>The thought of Chakotay clutching their baby to his chest had unexpected consequences for Kathryn, and she turned her head away for a moment to hide the brightness to her eyes. Her apparent lack of interest didn't deter Chakotay from speaking, though. Now he'd begun to unburden himself he couldn't stop until it was done. </p><p>'I named her Ktaria after the prayer stones in the burial tombs of Ktaria VII – because, for me, she represented both a memory and a prayer for the future I'd lost. When I was finally ready to let her go, I gave her one last kiss to say goodbye before deleting the program... but then I thought it wouldn't hurt to take a quick peek into the future and see what the grown up Ktaria might have looked like.'</p><p>'Chakotay!' Kathryn admonished him, though it was more of a grumble than a rebuke.</p><p>He replied with a sheepish smile. 'Seeing Ktaria as a vibrant, healthy teenager gave me the sense of closure I was seeking. I was content to end the program then, but before I could give the computer the command she walked right up and spoke to me for the first time.'</p><p>'What did she say?' Kathryn was being drawn in by his story despite herself.</p><p>The commander grinned more broadly this time. 'She told me I looked like hell, and that an old man like me should know how to take better care of himself.'</p><p>Kathryn risked a tiny smile. It sounded like something a daughter of hers might say.</p><p>'I told her I was fine, and she said I was an idiot if I thought that I could fool her with a lie as obvious as that. So I gave in and told her everything on my heart,' he shrugged, his mood growing serious once more. 'She listened to me unload my anger about Seska... my grief at losing a future with you…'</p><p>Kathryn froze as she felt Chakotay's fingers slide between her own – just connecting at the tips. His touch on her skin made her feel uncomfortable - exposed - but when she looked up to chide him, the honesty and unassuming friendship she saw in his eyes reassured her and she didn't pull away.</p><p>'…I shared my guilt at surviving that first displacement wave in the Badlands that killed good people from both our crews, knocking us into the whole mess... Old frustrations I was still holding onto about losing my captaincy over the Maquis... My fears about what home might look like if we ever did make it back to the Alpha Quadrant... The more I talked the lighter I felt, and when I'd finally gotten everything off my chest Ktaria knew what I still needed. She tossed me a pair of boxing gloves and finished up our therapy session with a sparring match that rivaled any I ever had at Starfleet Academy.'</p><p>There was a new energy in his features as he recalled the fight, and Captain Janeway tugged at his hand to get his attention.</p><p>'You fought the girl with a face exactly like mine?' she narrowed her eyes. 'Who won?'</p><p>Chakotay smirked at some private memory and wrapped his fingers more firmly around hers. 'Let's just say, I gave it my all but there's a good reason I never opened the Young Warrior program again after that!'</p><p>'Never?' the captain frowned, searching his face for the truth. She was still annoyed that he'd had the nerve made a holo-character of their daughter, but if it was only as a form of therapy, and it was only the one time…</p><p>Chakotay released her hand and stood to attention, keeping his eyes fixed steadily on hers. 'I swear it, Captain. I had no intention to hurt you by creating Ktaria. I only wanted to work through some issues in private so I could return my focus to supporting you as the willing, loyal first officer you deserve. I'm only sorry I didn't have the strength to delete the program at the time. If I'd done so, I might have avoided this conflict and risking the loss of your respect. I hope you will be able to forgive me.'<br/>

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The captain met his gaze for what felt like an eternity, then paced off a short distance to deliberate. When she finally returned, she looked at Ktaria's frozen image for just a moment then fixed her attention upon the dark-haired officer who was waiting stoically for her verdict.</p><p>'Commander Chakotay,' she drew herself up taller to address him formally. Kathryn had sunk into the shadows, leaving only Captain Janeway present in that piercing brown stare. 'I have to thank you for being open and honest with me today. I acknowledge that Ktaria was there for you when you had no one else to support you – not even me…'</p><p>It was the closest thing to an apology that she was prepared to give.</p><p>'…Considering the personal circumstances that motivated your actions, I have decided to settle this matter with a private reprimand and refrain from noting it on your permanent file... But listen to me now and listen very closely,' her voice dropped to a growl and she jabbed a finger into his chest for emphasis. 'The next time I catch you using your captain as inspiration for an intimate holo-program, I'll be chucking you in the brig and demoting you to the rank of ensign for the remainder of this voyage, is that understood?'</p><p>'Yes, captain,' the commander acknowledged stiffly, looking straight ahead. 'Will that be all?'</p><p>'No, commander,' she shook her head, and Chakotay struggled to read her expression. 'That isn't all. I understand you tried to delete the program before B'Elanna's diagnostic scan intervened? I think it would be best for both of us if we erased it now. Would you…,' Kathryn flickered to the surface for just a moment, '…would you like to say goodbye before I have the computer finalise the task?'</p><p>Chakotay looked at his daughter one last time then fixed his eyes on his captain. 'I made my goodbyes to Ktaria a long time ago. Do whatever you have to do, captain. I'm ready to let her go.'</p><p>Captain Janeway nodded once then turned to the hologram to give the order, but something changed her mind. 'Computer, resume program.'</p><p>Chakotay had closed his eyes briefly - not wanting to witness that last moment when his daughter and the natural beauty of New Earth evaporated into the general chaos of atoms around him - but they flashed open again at the captain's unexpected command.</p><p>'Dad?' Ktaria seemed surprised to see him when moments before she'd only been talking to her mother. Her attention quickly shifted to the woman in the red uniform. 'Mom? Why do you look so serious? What's going on?'<br/>
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Author's Note:</p><p>Poor Chakotay - he'd laid his heart bare and got nothing back in return. There's got to be some way we can fix this! Click on to chapter 5 for the finale. Comments welcome :)</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
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    <p>Kathryn cleared her throat. It felt absurd addressing a hologram as if it were her flesh and blood, but she wanted to acknowledge Ktaria for helping the man who was – even now in his disgrace – nothing short of her closest colleague and most valued friend.</p><p>'Ktaria,' she began sternly. 'Before I say goodbye, I wanted to thank you for looking after… your father when I was busy caring for the rest of Voyager's crew.'</p><p>'Please, Kathryn,' Chakotay's presence at her elbow was gentle but persistent. 'You don't have to...'</p><p>She swatted him away. She needed to do this for her own closure, not his. </p><p>'I know I can sometimes be so focused on my work I miss seeing the needs of those who are closest to me, but I want you to know that from now on I will do my best to…'</p><p>Ktaria laughed in her face. 'Are you even serious, Mom?' she blurted, incredulous. 'Can't you see you're literally doing it right now?! Dad is standing right next to you, ready to support you in whatever way you need him, and you're pushing him away – just like you always do.'</p><p>'I am not,' Kathryn snapped.</p><p>'Are so,' Ktaria refused to back down. A warrior just like her father - and her mother.</p><p>Captain Janeway wasn't used to having her authority challenged on her own ship. She didn't like it. 'You think I'm pushing him away? And what makes you believe that?' she leaned in closer to her daughter, daring her to reply.</p><p>Ktaria scanned her mother with mild disgust. 'You ignored Dad when he tried to talk to you just now. Your posture is stiff and closed-off, and you haven't made eye contact with him once since I've seen you together. Trust me, Dad's talked to me before about the way you treat him. I know the signs.'</p><p>Chakotay looked mortified. 'I'll just delete the program now,' he muttered. Before it could do any more damage.</p><p>'Don't you dare,' Janeway hissed, grabbing him by the wrist and yanking him towards her. 'Let me tell you something, Ktaria. I may not find it easy to share my feelings openly like Chakotay here, but I promise you, I feel things every bit as deeply as he does.'</p><p>'Prove it,' the girl's eyes narrowed.</p><p>Chakotay looked like he was afraid the women were going to rip him to pieces.</p><p>'Alright,' Kathryn accepted the challenge. </p><p>She turned to face her first officer and gripped onto his sleeve, her whole body coiled like a spring. 'Chakotay, do you remember when the macrovirus took over the ship? Remember inviting me skiing on the holodeck afterwards to celebrate our survival with our friends, but I told you I was too worn out? Well I lied! I just couldn't bring myself to go out in public acting as if everything was okay when I'd come so close to losing you. It shook me so much I wept when you left the room, and it was weeks before I could close my eyes without seeing the image of you dead in my arms.'</p><p>Kathryn's eyes were filled with such intensity of emotion that Chakotay couldn't look away.</p><p>'No, I didn't know that,' he shook his head stupidly. He'd never doubted that he was important to her, but he really meant that much? How was he to know? She'd given no clue!</p><p>'And remember the time we crash-landed the Sacagawea and I had to fight off the alien presence that made me experience my death over and over again? That embrace we shared afterwards when you took me sailing on Lake George?...'</p><p>She stepped closer, her fingers digging into his biceps.</p><p>'I never wanted it to end. I felt you kiss my hair and more than anything I wanted to lift my face to yours, but how could I let that happen when the crew were expecting their captain and first officer back on the bridge next morning, clear-headed and ready to serve?! The Kathryn you held that night could never be more than a fleeting dream, just a false secret on a holodeck. I care for you deeply, Chakotay, but you deserve more than that!'</p><p>Chakotay's heart broke for her, and his hands flew to her shoulders, kneading the tension under her skin. If he'd realized it was even possible she might return his feelings he would have made a declaration sooner. So many stupid games. So much lost time.</p><p>'Look at me, Kathryn,' the quiet authority in his voice drew her eyes to his. 'I'm a grown man. Don't you think I'm capable of deciding for myself what is or is not enough?'</p><p>Kathryn's frown only deepened. 'You'd be willing to share my attention with the needs of a whole starship?!' It seemed doubtful to her that any man could find it an acceptable proposition. 'To see me as Captain first and Kathryn second? To follow my orders without question and never use your intimate attachment to me as an opportunity to influence my command? I just can't see how that would be enough!'</p><p>Chakotay's fingers had worked their way up to the base of her skull and when he found a particularly sensitive spot she allowed her head to sag a little in the cradle of his hands. He dropped his face to her ear, acutely aware of her hair tickling against his cheek. 'For a smart person, Kat, you really are pretty thick sometimes,' he whispered.</p><p>Kathryn's eyes shot open in indignation, but Chakotay held her close – one hand sweeping down her spine as the other wrapped around her shoulders.</p><p>'Let me remind you of some facts, Captain Janeway,' he murmured, each soft, certain word sinking a little deeper through her layers of resistance. 'I am willing to share you with the whole starship, and if we ever make it back to Earth, I'll gladly share you with the whole of Starfleet Command as well. You will always be my captain first, and I will never allow my personal connection with you to compromise your role as the leader of this crew.'</p><p>'Chakotay...,' she whined a soft denial, even as her hands commenced a tentative journey across his chest – giving herself permission to touch when she would normally refrain. Remain close when she would normally flee.</p><p>'Now for the tricky bit,' the commander pressed his lips to the corner of her jaw, just below her ear, then pulled back to arm's length so he could watch for her response. 'As first officer, it's my job to tell you things you might not want to hear – things that challenge your point of view – and it's your job to consider my advice.'</p><p>'Or overrule it,' the captain interjected haughtily. She sounded a little drunk.</p><p>Chakotay put a finger to her lips and refused to continue speaking until she agreed to remain silent. 'I've known you for a while now, Kathryn,' the honesty and tenderness was raw in his gaze. 'You have always viewed your role as a captain as set apart – isolated from the crew and your own personal needs. But I want to let you in on a secret. You are not alone. I am your first officer, your support crew, your confidant, your biggest fan. And I also happen to love you...'</p><p>A little grunt slipped from Kathryn's lips – a protest of sorts, but filled with need.</p><p>'…but I'm not asking you to give up Captain Janeway so I can be with Kathryn,' Chakotay promised her. 'All I'm asking is for you to let yourself be… yourself. If Captain Janeway needs her first officer, she can count on me to be there on the double. And if, even sometimes, it's Kathryn who needs something…,' he drew in nearer until he was only a breath away, tilting his head forward so their noses and foreheads aligned. '…Anything at all – I'm asking permission to be there for her too. That's all I want. That's enough.'</p><p>'No expectations?' she demanded hoarsely, her own hands creeping around to his back, his hips, dragging him even closer.</p><p>'Only this,' Chakotay whispered roughly, thrusting his chin forward so his lips pressed warm against hers.</p><p>'Chak–,' Kathryn's dying protest was cut off, smothered as his mouth overtook hers.</p><p>She opened her lips to him and he sunk into the kiss with a groan, feeling her body arch and shudder against his as she finally, willingly, laid her soul bare.</p><p>The sound of cheering snapped them both into the present, and it took a few moments for each of them to recover from the intoxicating power of that long-awaited kiss.</p><p>'Thank the ancestors for that!' Ktaria hollered, scaring away a few more birds with her jubilant laughter. 'Now stop embarrassing me, the pair of you, and go get yourselves a room!'</p><p>Chakotay beamed from his daughter to the top of Kathryn's head, which was currently resting on his chest. 'Computer, delete program,' he announced softly.</p><p>Kathryn's arms tightened around Chakotay's waist but neither of them looked at one another. They both had their eyes fixed on the hologram of their daughter, drinking in that last second before she and the whole world around them faded from view.</p><p>'So what happens now?' Kathryn finally lifted her head up from Chakotay's chest, unsure if the cold reality of the holodeck walls would make things feel different between them.</p><p>Chakotay caressed her with his eyes. 'Whatever you want, captain,' he smiled, that small, lopsided smile that said his heart was hers.</p><p>Captain Janeway would have come to her senses. She would have told him they were mad to let themselves be so free with one another - that it was time to face reality and get on with the business of getting their starship home. But Kathryn reached out and touched Chakotay's cheek, feeling the map of dips and ridges beneath her fingers, the firmness of his jaw, the sandpapery roughness of his skin.</p><p>'I'm not sure exactly what I want, Chakotay,' she mused lazily, a new gleam of mischief lighting her eyes. 'But if you have any ideas, I'd be happy to hear them.'</p><p>'Oh, I have a couple,' his lips twitched in reply, all the trouble and uncertainty of the past three years slipping from his shoulders like water.</p><p>'Very good, commander,' Kathryn drawled, smoothing out a non-existent crease on the front of his Starfleet jacket. 'Would you like to brief me on your proposals in the ready room or my quarters?'</p><p>Chakotay grabbed her hand and brought her knuckles to his lips. 'I believe your quarters would be more suitable, captain,' he advised her, his heart arresting momentarily then taking off again at twice the speed.</p><p>'Shall we?' she nodded to the exit, pulling him gently toward it. 'Computer, open holodoeck do-...'</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Chakotay's face registered surprise, guilt and panic as the doors wooshed open of their own accord, sending Lieutenant Torres bursting into the room with Tom Paris close behind her.</p><p>'I don't think we should-,' Tom was pleading.</p><p>'Shut up, Tom!' B'Elanna glared back at him. 'It'll be our fault if the captain kills Ch-...,' she trailed off, suddenly aware of Captain Janeway only a few feet in front of her, standing hand in hand with Commander Chakotay.</p><p>'Is there a problem, Lieutenant Torres?' Janeway met her gaze - calm, collected and completely in control.</p><p>'Um... no, captain,' she answered weakly, looking to Tom for support but getting only a shrug of the shoulders in return.</p><p>'Excellent,' Captain Janeway shifted her beady stare to Lieutenant Paris then back again to B'Elanna. 'Let's keep it that way, shall we? Not a word,' she purred the threat, then dropped Chakotay's hand and headed for the door. 'Follow me, commander,' she announced, nonchalant. 'You and I have business to attend to.'</p><p>The captain swept from the room, but Chakotay lingered a moment to check on his colleagues. B'Elanna looked like she could do with a large glass of chechtlhutlh. Tom, on the other hand, shot his commander an enthusiastic thumbs up, his eyes nearly as wide as his grin.</p><p>The commander hid a smile behind his hand then took off at a jog to catch up to his captain. Kathryn Janeway had given her orders and he didn't plan on keeping her waiting.<br/>
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Author's Note:</p><p>Yay for happy endings! Thanks for reading to the end of the story. If you enjoyed it, please pass on the love by leaving a comment/kudos. I've got a couple of other Voyager stories ready to share with you - will post another one next week if there's interest. In the meantime, happy reading adventures :)</p><p>As this has been my first foray into the world of Ao3, please send me a message to let me know if I've done anything odd with regard to formatting, tags, posting schedule, A/N's etc. It feels a bit weird being the new kid on the block &amp; if I post more works on this site I want them to be clear &amp; accessible to my readers. Thanks!</p>
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